Living With Someone With a Degenerative Illness

Anticipatory grief refers to the grieving process that occurs when a loved one is dying, not when they have already passed away. With degenerative diseases like dementia, Parkinson’s Disease, and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), this process can last months or even years. This means that living with someone who has a degenerative illness presents its own unique form of ongoing grief.

Anticipatory grief is a relatively new concept in psychology, having emerged as an idea in the 1940s. By the 70s, the idea was receiving some attention, but was dismissed by some scholars who claimed that anticipatory grief actually lowered the grief felt in the event of death. This was presenting a zero-sum concept of grief, as though you only have so much grief to feel, and it is used up as you do. But this notion undermines the complexities of grief, and even more so anticipatory grief. 

Anticipatory grief is not about mourning the death of a loved one. Rather, it is grieving in anticipation of their impending passing, while also needing to mourn for the loss of the life once shared with this person. With degenerative illnesses this is a lengthy and ongoing loss, as the loss of various functions poses new challenges and restricts the freedoms of those involved. 

When someone close to us suddenly passes, we mourn the memory of them as they were when they were alive. But when we endure a long degenerative process with someone we love, we mourn the life that we once shared with them, even though they have not yet passed. This complex form of grief evolves as the degeneration continues, and worsens with each dip in health or each loss of function. 
Anticipatory grief ends when your loved one passes, but this is when the grieving process begins all over again, this time mourning both their loss and the many months or years of suffering and deterioration they suffered along the way. 

Anticipatory grief can be a complex and painful process that requires ongoing support and compassion. One of the most difficult tasks to approach during this period is funeral planning, which is why Crystal Cremations’ ‘Your Funeral, Your Way’ approach takes away all the pressure and stress of planning to give you time to focus on yourself and your mental health. In many cases with degenerative illnesses, it is impossible to find life cover. With the ongoing cost-of-living crisis, you can put your mind at ease by locking in an inflation-proof pre-paid funeral plan, so you know there will be no nasty hidden costs or price hikes. If you’d like to look at our low-cost funeral plan options, get in touch today. Terms and conditions apply.